There's No Prude Like a Sanctimonious Prude

An interesting story interred in the graveyard pages of Sunday’s daily newspaper examines Mayor Bill White’s hard-on for the city’s high-end topless clubs and suggests that if the mayor has his way Houston just won’t be … Houston.

Without its topless “cabarets,” the newspaper reports, Houston

to some would be akin to San Francisco without cable cars or Seattle without rain and coffee.

(We have no evidence to refute the bold assertion of this “some,” and in fact have long held that aside from its sexually oriented businesses the city has been woefully short on signature attractions/phenomena since the Holder’s Pest Control roach was removed from its perch alongside the Southwest Freeway.)

To personalize the issue, reporter Mike Tolson introduces us to Ivy Taylor, who says her job as a dancer at the Men’s Club allows her to pay for the behavioral therapy required by her 2 ½-year-old autistic daughter. "I wish,” says Ms. Taylor, possibly with a straight face, “government officials were more concerned about the needs of special-education kids than topless bars."

The mayor, when questioned about the potential plight of Ms. Taylor and child should the city’s distance requirement for SOBs eventually be enforced (estimated date for resolution of court proceedings: late 2061), “suggested that she find a new line of work,” according to the newspaper.

"There's bound to be a better way to address the challenges of a young mother trying to take care of a child and make ends meet than by having businesses that have her take off all her clothes and dance in front of strangers," White said.

As far as we know the mayor has no standing to dispense career advice (not in the city charter), but we do, having recently won our certification as a Life Coach. Here’s what we’d suggest to Ms. Taylor: Instead of working at a job that pays decent money and gives you some sense of control (however illusory), hire on as an office flunky somewhere at many times less your current salary and enjoy the leering and sexual badinage---without getting tipped for it, of course.

If that doesn’t sound fulfilling, Ms. Taylor should try obtaining a law degree and becoming a wealthy trial lawyer, then parlaying her connections into a high-level presidential appointment in the Energy Department, then using those connections to attain greater wealth in the private sector, then launching a successful political career ... Such a path would require a considerable amount of get-up-and-go, it's true, but it’ll beat taking off all your clothes and dancing in front of strangers any day.