Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Rick Perry: Unheralded Savant of Texas Politics ...

Or Lucky Doofus Who Fell Off the Back of a Pick-Up and Landed on a Mattress Lying in the Middle of the Freeway?

Time will tell. It has occurred to us, though, that Perry might be an age-defying phenomenon similar to the Rumble-in-the-Jungle era Ali, employing his version of the rope-a-dope to lay back on the ropes and suck up the gut punches and bide his time until his adversary is exhausted and then step right to it--BAM! Yeah, they saw that 39 percent and thought he was done, spent, washed-up, a goner, but....

On the other hand, we are reminded that Perry first obtained his office by constitutional succession and has held it since by first dispatching the colorless, odorless Tony Sanchez and then the tag-team duo of Chris Bell and Grandma Whazzhername, and that Bill White, if we may extend the boxing metaphor into hazily obscure territory, is no J├╝rgen Blin.

Like Perry, White did what he needed to do on Tuesday. What he needs to do from here on out is pay close attention to the deeply encoded instructions we will be issuing in this space (the anagram spells “V-I-C-T-O-R-Y”). Our first bit of advice, which as usual we are providing free of charge as a selfless act of civic-mindedness, is to STAY AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE from all other Democratic nominees for statewide office, and never, ever, speak of the “Democratic ticket.” If you should accidently run into one of these people at, say, the airport terminal in Junction,* ACT LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW THEM, in case a weekly newspaper reporter or Republican operative obtains photographic evidence of you in flagrante (in the legal sense) with, say, Barbara Ann Radnofsky. In fact, and we know this will probably be impossible to do, instruct your scheduler to make sure that you’re never any closer than 50 miles to any other Democratic statewide officer-seeker.

Also: Go negative right away. Ali’s off the ropes.

*Did we ever tell ya about the time we were flying ‘round the Lone Star State at nighttime with some humble office-seeker or another and they were trying to land the plane in Junction, but the pilot couldn’t spot the airport and finally he had to raise the sheriff’s department on the horn to get somebody over to the facility to turn on the runway lights? The candidate was going to lose anyway and if we'd died in a crash that night we might not even have made the last paragraph of the obit.

5 comments:

The Fishing Musician said...

As you correctly called it, and as I predicted, KBH lost by a landslide.

I think Rick has an extra dose of politickin' genes in his hair. It's the only explanation.

I think White will have a hard run.

Rorschach said...

White doesn't know what he's in for. He's about to have his shiny head, smelly arse, and bloody testicles handed to him (one by one, and in no particular order) by Perry. White has entirely too many things Perry can go negative on. And like the current illegal occupant of the White House, Bill White has an exceedingly thin skin. He's going to get so angry and flustered he's going to step on his own crank big time. I am rather looking forward to the fireworks.

Slampo said...

So I guess you're not among the undecided, right?

Ed T. said...

So I guess you're not among the undecided, right?

Whatever would give you that idea? :-)

~EdT.

Rorschach said...

My vote goes to the guy not named Bill White. Unfortunately that guy's name is Perry. I really don't like Perry all that much but given the other options, he was the least distasteful of the lot. Yes I voted for him, but not without a strong urge to bathe afterward. But I tell you, the oddest thing about this whole campaign so far has got to be a Vince Liebowitz agreeing to be the campaign manager for an avowed supporter of Hamas. And then the guy turns around and starts hiring people who start running a shadow campaign that undermined Liebowitz's. When Liebowitz found out that they were doing that he and his crew quit just weeks before the election. Not that Farouk Shamwow had a snowball's chance in hell. What really gets me was that Vince was willing to represent him to begin with.