Sunday, April 11, 2010

More Chicks Than You Could Stuff Inside a Pullman Car (If They Still Made Pullmans)

Yep, we know: when you're trying to beat the rap in Texas it probably helps to be a semi-renown musical legend, and it certainly can't hurt to be able to afford Dick DeGuerin as your Bar-accredited courtroom mouthpiece. We'd imagine that being white is still an advantage, too, although maybe not as much as that accident of birth once was. Still, we must confess to having swelled just a bit with a Bullock-ian sense of Texas pride when we read of this exchange Friday during a courtroom proceeding up in McLennan County, which resulted in a jury's acquittal of old five-and-dimer (and illegally pistol-packing barroom patron) Billy Joe Shaver of aggravated assault for shooting and wounding an obnoxious, liquored-up gentleman outside a bar two years ago*:
[Lady prosecutor] suggested that [Shaver] could have just left the bar if he had felt so intimidated.

That would have been "chicken shit," Shaver replied.

[Lady prosecutor] asked whether Shaver was jealous that [the victim] at the time was talking to Shaver's wife, Wanda.

"I get more women than a passenger train can haul. I'm not jealous," Shaver said.
For readers unfamiliar with Mr. Shaver and his oeuvre, we must point out that he is not a 23-year-old hip-hop artiste of the Southern school but rather a 70-year-old Caucasian who could pass for 80 and many years ago lost parts of a couple of fingers while working in a lumber mill. We needn't add that they don't make 'em like Billy Joe Shaver anymore, although we're not entirely certain how we feel about that.

*Brought to our attention by the omnivorous and erudite Banjo Jones.

9 comments:

JP said...

I give him style points for quoting the Jimmie Rodgers line on the witness stand. If more defendants could do that today, I think it'd sure make courts coverage a lot more readable.

-- Jennifer Peebles
Houston TX

Slampo said...

Damn straight.

The Fishing Musician said...

I have to go with Billy Joe on this one, Slampo. Dicky Dee worked for free, along with a squad of undoubtedly bright assistant lawyers. But I credit this win to Billy Joe moreso than Dick, although one could hardly do better in Texas than with Dick D as your lawyer.

First of all, it's Billy Joe's stomping grounds.

Second of all, I've felt sorry for Billy Joe since his son passed 10 years ago. He's aged immensely since then, although he'd admit to his share of hard living.

Third, love the Jimmie Rodgers line.

Fourth, there will be a song come out of this.

Fifth, I've only met Mr. Shaver in passing at various joints over the years, but he's always been a pretty mellow fellow when I've seen him hanging out.

Sixth, this case illustrates one of the bedrock rules of being a real Texan, and that is not to bring a knife to a gunfight.

Seventh, it's nice to see the little guy win every now and then. Not Dick, I mean Billy Joe. Even though he's a Texas music legend, he's still common folk.

Slampo said...

And you forgot No. 8: the shootee had :"stirred" BJS's beer with his knife. Or so it's been reported. No tellin' where that knife had been! (Also reminds me of why I don't hang out in bars anymore, unless it's at the River Oaks Country Club).

I, too, once shook hands and howdied to the defendant and he seemed all reet, at least at that particular moment.

Rorschach said...

I'm with the Musician on this one, in fact if it were me I think I woulda just as soon skipped having Dick DeGuerrin sitting at the defense table. You go hiring some lawyer like that, everybody assumes you gotta be guilty as hell. I'd just as soon let them wonder than confirm it by hiring a high fallutin' mouthpiece like that, even if he was working for free.... That man loves the microphone/camera too much, I'd have to wonder if he was really doing it to get me off or if I was just a way to get back in front of the cameras and couldn't give a rats arse whether he got me off or not.

The Fishing Musician said...

9. I am indeed impressed that you have attended the ROCC. Or even attend the ROCC. I actually once got to direct traffic and work security there as a off-duty extra job, but that was years ago.

The Fishing Musician said...

Slampo, I thought I read that the Shooter had stirred the Shooter's whiskey drink and then wiped the blade dry on Billy Joe's shirt.

No matter really. You start waving a blade around a bar and threatening a man, particularly a man seemingly minding his own bidness, to quote an old "tush hog" I once knew: "You gets what you gets."

Slampo said...

It could be about the wipin' and stirring--I was drunk when I read the story, so I mighta misread the particulars. And I never been to the bar at the ROCC, actually.

The Fishing Musician said...

In #9 #9 #9 above, I mean that the shootee had stirred the shootee's whisky drink with the knife, which was then wiped on the shirt of Billy Joe, the Shooter.

I won't admit to being drunk when I wrote that.

As the great Albert Collins once said, "I ain't drunk, I'm just drinking."