Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Time Ain’t on Our Side: A Quick Stroll Down Memory Lane, then Back and Forward

Summer 1972: Slampo & Co. pile into ’64 Ford Falcon and head to Hofheinz Pavillion on the University of Houston campus to catch Exile on Main Street-era Rolling Stones, but make unscheduled detour to Galveston County Jail. Miss concert. Richard Nixon is president. War in Vietnam is winding down, but U.S. troops still fighting. Oil is $2 a barrel.

Summer 1975: Slampo & Co. pile into Ford Econoline van and head to LSU Assembly Center in Baton Rouge, La. to catch opening of Rolling Stones’ North American tour. Arrive in time to see Mick straddling giant inflatable penis on stage. “Not impressed,” sniffs Slampo. Gerald Ford is president. Oil is $11 a barrel.

Summer 2005: Rolling Stones to open latest North American tour in [name of city goes here]. Tour is sponsored by Ameriquest Mortgage. Slampo not expected to be in attendance. George W. Bush is president. Oil is $60+ a barrel. And, oh yeah: It’s easy to forget sometimes, but we’re at war.

Summer 2030: 87-year-old Mick Jagger holds press conference to announce latest “Jagger y Amigos” tour, on which the only surviving member of the 1960s band the Rolling Stones will be backed by ex-members of early century rock revivalists The Killers. Tour will again be sponsored by the nation-state of China, with a small portion of the proceeds dedicated to paying off U.S. debt. News of tour is bumped off front page of USA Hoy, the nation’s lone surviving newspaper, by the reported death of fugitive Osama bin Laden on the island of Aruba. “That sucker could run, but he couldn’t hide,” declared President Jenna Bush. Oil selling for $1,945 a barrel. Long-dead Slampo tries, unsuccessfully, to roll over in grave while humming the “make a dead man cum” line from Start Me Up. And, oh yeah: It’s easy to forget sometimes, but we’re still at war.

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